They should really pass out barf bags in church
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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