Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
