Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
