i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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