Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
