my vag is so smooth its legendary
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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