i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
