True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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