this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i drank out of a bidet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
