she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
