Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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