There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
