I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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