so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
