My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
