your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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