I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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