I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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