it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
