Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
