I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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