I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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