C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
