You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
