Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
