i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
