I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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