He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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