I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
