You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
