dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
