Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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