dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
