Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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