My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
