he thought i was a dude.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
