I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He better not be in your backpack
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
