when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
