I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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