I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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