i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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