i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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