Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
