dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
