I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
