I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
