she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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