I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
