i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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