I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
