Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
I will be naked everywhere
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
