So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
