no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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