On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
