You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
