he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
